Little Things

baby feet neonatal feet
The baby feet

23 July 2020 (Asar 8, 2077). It was a day of miracle for me. It is because I have endured my existence in different forms from being a grandson, son, sibling, cousin, nephew, husband, in-laws, etc. This is the very day that led me to have an entirely different relationship to a person who is just born. Suddenly, I was a father to a son. My fatherhood on that day was just a day old.

There is this special feeling of being the creator of one being. Yes, in all my life, I have destroyed the lives of many-many living beings and created none. This condition is not very unique as being a father is so common a happenstance that almost half of the world population are destined to becoming one. It is essential to perpetuate the species of homo sapiens. But it is a unique feeling for each one of us as a father. It's not greatness but is surely a thing that evokes a great feeling.

The first week compels you to develop different perspectives to life, relations and nature. The center of attraction of family suddenly shifts from you to your little one. In one way, it hurts as you are no more important than an entity but it is also satisfying that the importance is multiplied and transferred to a person you care about the most. 

It is so much satiating to cuddle your son in your arms and sleep till eternity. And to imagine what the naïve mind might be thinking. You are, in a way, bound to serve him by serving his mother who breastfeeds him for the greater good. You don't get tired of dangling around the markets searching for the groceries that fulfills the dietary needs of the mother and then the son. When you limit yourself in the boundary of a bed with your son, the world seems to be so minimized.

As I look upon his narrowed crevices in the face where a pair of eyeballs dwell, I see a miniature globe where my world stops. The little fingers are so cute and are pleasant to look at. However small these fingers are, in them lies our great happiness of the future. Little things that he has are the great things for us.

While I write this blog, the child in context is sleeping next to me. Today is the sixth day of his new life; and according to the Hindu beliefs, tonight is the time Bhabi will be writing the fate of the child on his forehead. All the preparation has been done for the Bhabi to write. At noon, the baby was awash with lukewarm water and cleaned and oiled. A new notebook is kept beneath the pillow with a sharpened pencil nearby. A diyo (oiled lamp) is kept upon a plate of rice at the corner of the room which is to be lit all night. 

I wish to name him Rehansh, but let's see what others have to say.

But sure, fatherhood comes with some price. First getting ready mentally to be parent is a challenge. When you are ready to enter into another phase of relationship, then you have to start working on it. Next feeling totally engulfs you after you know that your wife tested positive for pregnancy. Whole lot of physical symptoms changes your way of life. Sometimes, you feel so weak to realize that you are not well equipped to rush your wife to the hospital emergency department in the midnight. She is constantly vomiting in bed while sleeping, in washroom while peeing and in passage while walking. A non-stopping series of vomiting called hyper-emesis gravidum ensued one night and I had to pillion-ride my wife to the ER. Day by day, her stomach grew to a noticeable sizes. People started ogling and raising curiosity.  

On 22 weeks, we were relieved from an apparent apprehension because the anomaly scan of the baby was within normal limits. Thirty weeks onward, the size of the belly was so big it caused difficulty to normally move. Life activities were then tailored according to the physical and emotional changes. 

Due to COVID-19, Nepal government announced lock-down for 3 months and during this whole time I stayed with my family. GoN lifted the lock-down and the same night my wife caught the labor pain. She was driven to the hospital by 5AM in the morning of 23rd July. The whole day, we all were pretty anxious. My mother and sister were there all the time, father-in-law came later in the evening. Sapana was moaning in travail inside the labor room, I was all perspiring running here and there. Sometimes, I ran to fetch the drugs from the drug store, sometimes I ran to buy juices and glucose and water. 

mother son bond
mother son bond

At around 4PM, one nurse called me and asked to buy a pair of clothes for the little one. I bought and handed it to them. They transferred her to delivery room at around quarter to 5. At 5:18 PM, she gave birth to a seraphic boy and it was not until half past 6 that we knew the news. On the next day noon mother and son both were discharged. 

I have heard a lot of parents complaining about the sleepless nights soon after they return home from hospital with the little new member of the family. I was scared of the tensions and disruption it may bring to the sleep cycle of our family. It's just not been a week now, but until this date I find a unique joy to wake up in the wee hours to just change the wet clothes of the baby. Even my mother who is in late fifties finds it so satisfying to carry the little creature with her at the middle of the night in order to try to pacify.  

I know with happiness comes the apprehension and sadness. Most often, attachment does have unpleasant feelings in that nobody could fulfill anybody's expectation to the fullest. But again, these all are the life process we all, as a human entity, have to bear by and go on.     

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